dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
