I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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