I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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