2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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