It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
