I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
