how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
