Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
God I need to hump something, right now.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
