Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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