I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
