omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize