I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
