Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize