brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize