I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
