Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize