and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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