Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
