maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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