I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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