he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
