I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
