also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
