After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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