I heard we made out
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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