I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
