You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
