Yo dont text me then not text me
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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