Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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