Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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