WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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