WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
