so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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