Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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