I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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