I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
