Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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