Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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