Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I could fuck to npr.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
