He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
