I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
God I need to hump something, right now.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
