Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
