Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
