Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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