I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
