I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
