I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
