There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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