Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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