Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
