I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
