It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
