Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
