would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
