I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
