I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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