I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize