dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
