So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
