I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
