some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
