Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
