ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
