Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
tell me about the fingering
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
