cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
