she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I cannot find my penis.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
