Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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