shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
