I need to stop coming to work sober
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
