I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
