I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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