Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
