why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
