and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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